he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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