You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
