last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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