Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
