I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
