Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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