dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
