Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I understand Curling. That high.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
