Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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