If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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