if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
