I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
