i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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