woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
