a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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