I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
