your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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