all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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