I accidentally burped into my bong.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
