Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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