Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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