Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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