woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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