He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Acid is not a monday night drug
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
