i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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