Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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