I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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