lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
