After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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