how can u be prego again
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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