who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
