i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i drank out of a bidet.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
