things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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