don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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