Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
