Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
