You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
