Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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