K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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