I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dick very happy bro
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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