6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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