dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
