My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
