I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
