that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
