Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
