The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
