Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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