The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
