I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
